haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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