Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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