I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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