i wish there were pregnant emoticons
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
