omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
