My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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