i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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