I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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