margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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