I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
