I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
