apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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