the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
