Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize