finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
