She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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