Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
