I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
