i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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