TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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