just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
