That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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