On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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