Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
