I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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