I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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