At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
