You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
