I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
