he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
