I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize