You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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