Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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