I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
