your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
