So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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