we're chasing vodka with high fives
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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