Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
