He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
