I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
