Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize