alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Barsexuality is the new black.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
