Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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