I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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