and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
