oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
