im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So many bounce houses so little time
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
