that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
