Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
