Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
