grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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