i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
