47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
