i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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