All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
