Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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