Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
