I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
