His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
