So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
