I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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