a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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