Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
