2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
